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I want to keep singing. I want to get as far as I can. But somehow when you get older the things that matter the most is your family not your man necessarily. PRESENCIA
Christina Castro By David Alberto Muñoz Día de publicación: 19-Junio-2008 My name is Christina Castro. I was born in El Centro, California in 1959, raised practically in Calexico and Mexicali since my dad was form El Rancho de Mis recuerdos, a un lado de Progreso. You should know! El Centro is the only U.S. city that lies completely below sea level. It’s also the largest city in the Imperial Valley and has more than 350 days of sunshine and around 3 inches of rain during a given year. In other words, hace un calor de la chingada. All my life has been spent in that area. Yes, I have been to the Aztec capital, to Guadalajara, Cabo San Lucas, Tijuana, but in Old Mexico they don’t like chicanos. I don’t know why. They make fun of the way we speak Spanish. They ridicule the way we dress. Hay mexicanos that are ok. But generally speaking, sometimes they behave worst than gringos. Always looking down on us. I guess is a human characteristic to feel superior to anyone that does not quite fit in the group. Whites do it, Blacks do it, Asians do it, and of course we Mexicans also do it. I wish people would understand that we are not all the same. We are different. And we chicanas have something to say even though people, especially men, don’t want to hear it. I remember one time when I was in Teotihuacán, una ruca yelled at me: “Estás mas prieta que yo why don’t you speak Spanish!” Why does everyone want every body else to be just like them? My guess is that it would be boring if all of us were the same, right? Listen, I speak English, my first language was English. And yes, sometimes I wish I could speak Spanish better, but when I went to school they used to hit us every time we spoke Spanish. It was not an easy time. At home your dad used to hit you because he was drunk and he wanted you to bring him a caguama from the store, and he was tired from working all day in the fields, and he wanted to have sex with your mom and she was so angry because she was still washing clothes to make some extra money that at the end she hit us too! We all got used to get hit. We never actually question it. I guess this is why our Spanish it’s all broken ¿qué no? Anyway, I graduated from Central Union High School, the Spartans. For some time my mother wanted me to go and work in the fields with my dad and my brothers. I have 4 brothers and a sister. But somehow I wanted to keep studying. They show us a movie in sociology class called: “Salt on the earth.” And that made me star thinking about my future. Why are we supposed to only work the fields? Why can we be the owners of the land? I decided to go to college. I went to Imperial Valley College. It was not easy at first but some great teachers helped me a lot, like Mr. Rodriguez. He told me I could do anything I wanted to do; the only thing was for me to get my mind into it. Eventually, I was lucky to get a scholarship to go to San Diego State University, the Imperial Valley Campus. It was there that I was introduced to writers like Denise Chavez, Lucha Corpi, Angela de Hoyos, Cherrie Moraga, Sandra Cisneros, and Ana Castillo among others. What impressed me the most about these women was how honest they could be. I mean some of them were lesbians, some of them were raised in poverty just like me, some of them have never experienced the pleasure of an orgasm, and they had the courage to say it in a piece of paper. I really admired that. I guess like every other woman I would like to meet the perfect person. I prefer honest caring people. Most males are phony. They love to bring you down the starts and the planets, but at the end the only thing they want is your legs open. If I like you and I know you really care about me, I will give myself to you unconditionally, if I discover you are just playing with me I will send you to hell. ¡Chinga tu madre! I try to be as happy in life as I can. I sing all the time, day and night. In fact I think I'm driving my daughters crazy. I have 2 daughters and a son. From different fathers, the girls come from Carlos and the boy from Jesse. It really doesn’t matter; with the passage of time I don’t know, you begin to view life as a short story that will end next Friday night at the same time that the novelas are playing. Singing makes me feel good. Singing out loud takes the place of yelling. It's a great release, and I guess the girls should be happy about that. I don’t know why I don’t mention the boy. Maybe I included him in the sentence. I love going to comedy clubs. Talk about a great release. I like to laugh. I prefer to laugh at myself than to cry myself to sleep… I'm happy with the good things that make me smile. I know we cannot be happy 24 hours a day, right? It takes a personal effort ¿qué no? I became an elementary school teacher. I teach at Woodrow Wilson Junior High School. I believe times have changed, and yet, I still see women struggling to find their voice in a very corrupted society. Men are rare creatures. They have been created with who knows what purpose…maybe to drive a woman crazy. I want to be happy. I want to keep singing. I want to get as far as I can. But somehow when you get older the things that matter the most is your family not your man necessarily. I have a couple of boyfriends and there is really no one moving my tapete. You know what I mean? I don’t think we need them, really, but somehow I don’t know, sometimes we do. My name is Christina Castro. Soy chicana! And I wish my daughters will have an easier time than I had. The greatest happiness is to be love for what you are, better yet, in spite of what you are. Soy Christina Castro, y soy chicana.
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© David Alberto Muñoz, Ph.D. |